hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i barfeds in our rink
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
