Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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