I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
