I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
