in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
