I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
