Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
