I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
