Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
