I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
