I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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