just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I forgot wine drunk hurts
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
