I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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