This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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