my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
