Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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