He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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