And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
