I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
