you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
