if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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