someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
