Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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