Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
