Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
