I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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