i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
