There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
