I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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