If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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