And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
