Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
