we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
