If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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