youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
