Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
