Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
