what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
