Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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