Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Did I show you my penis last night?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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