someone get that fucking seahorse.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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