I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
