Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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