did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have fence marks all over my body
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
