I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
