I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
