i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
