you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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