It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
