mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
