Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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