I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
