i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
