Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
