Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
