Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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