I think my fart just growled at me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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