I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
