Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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