You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
