the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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