Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
