My first STD was from a foam party
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
