he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
