Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize