Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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