I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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