that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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