I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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