checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
