what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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