if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
