Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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