if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
